What is this?

What is this I'm feeling...I just can't explain...
Hahay...my emotions though not really on a roller coaster sort of feeling..I don't understand. I vacillate between wanting to stay with my family and having my own place.
I love my family...I like the feeling of knowing that when I get home my parents are there. I mean, we may not talk a lot and have their own stuff to do even at home..but still the feeling that they are there, it's nice. It's also nice to know that I know that my siblings will be home for breaks and holidays. It's a plus that I don't have to pay for and cook my food,somebody does my laundry,cleans the house and does things around the house (just goes to show how lazy I have become,lol).I can also easily just talk to my Nanay. On the downside...my Tatay keeps asking where I am and what time I'll be home if I'm out beyond the usual time (ggrrrrrr...)I need to tell them if I'm going out with my friends. I also need to inform them ahead of time if I plan to go out of town...I need to tell my Nanay and Tatay individually...hahay!They also keep telling me to clean my room ( I mean my room's clean enough for me! and organized enough!)Hahay...The down side of being the only child at home, at least no competition on the use of the computer and tv..lol.Though when my younger siblings come home...I become their financial sponsor,huhuhu...waz na dada Ate (",
I am also wanting to have my own place. A place where I can just sit down,laze around and eat whenever and wherever I like. I don't have to inform anybody where I am going and what time I'll be home. Nobody to tell me that I'm eating junk food. Nobody to wake me up early in the morning (though I might get late if it's a work day) I wanna have the freedom to bring my friends to my place and not worry about my Tatay arriving home in a "bad mood". My friends can stay for as long as they like. I can buy my own stuff and arrange my furniture the way I want. Somewhere that I can be independent..though I doubt it since I tend to depend if not on my family, on my friends...Love you all guys.
lol (",